friends- an unconventional guide

Anyone who I call a fiend is truly that, a friend. I don’t really have a best friend or best friends, I have friends and I am honored for anyone that calls me a friend. For those that are my friends, there is one thing I told them all from the beginning- I am a terrible friend. I am. I will not hide it. I am not the friend that you will talk to all the time. I am not the friend that you brunch with every Sunday. I am not the friend that will tell you something just to make you feel better. I am however, that friend that will be there when you really need it.

See, I started a family at a young age and did not really form or build lifelong friendships from my childhood. I was consumed in caring for my daughters thus leaving the “friend” thing an afterthought. At the same time, I was working to grow my career. While I can appreciate the trials and tribulations of some career paths, there is really nothing like growing in a hospitality career. I was tired. I was juggling a career, family, and at some point, trying to sleep.

As I grew older, I have gained a few girlfriends in my life, I cherish them so very much. These relationship are different from my open relationship with my parents, my greatest friend truly is my other half, and my daughters have grown to be the best friends anyone can ever have. I have also been lucky to pick up some amazing people who are friends of my partner since grade school.  I was driven to write this post as I have seen my daughters so through similar things, even anxiety because their friends want them to do or be something they are not or don’t necessarily want to do.  With that being said, I think we are too hard on ourselves trying to be the ultimate friends and should take a step back and follow this unconventional guide:

• Respect each other’s time and commitments- how terrible are you if your friend is trying to build a relationship with a significant other and you are all in the middle of it being needy? Stop- don’t be that girl (guy). Give her the space, when that relationship is in a good place, you will get that time with your friend.
• Respect alone time- sometimes we need time to decompress and want alone time.  I have seen my daughters go through this where their friends get upset with them when they want to just veg out and be alone.
• Don’t be jealous- I have been victim to this. I spent time growing my partner relationship then got jealous when my single friends were hanging out together without me. WTH? Yes, I did, for no reason, don’t do that.
• Don’t mistake acquaintances for friends
• Be wary of “work friends”, enough said.
• Catching up is the best part- if you area always together and talking what do you have to catch up with, it is so fun.
• Find the best way to communicate- I hate talking on the phone but I will you need me but this is certainly not preferred, period.
• Don’t try to make someone fit your “idea” of a friend- basically setting someone up to fail at being your friend.

Friends, true friends, are rare and should be treasured.